


Little Wooden Warriors

by z0mbieshake



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, Oral Sex, Painful Sex, Parallels, Sexual Content, Time Skips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 09:25:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/z0mbieshake/pseuds/z0mbieshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertholdt still remembers their first time under the shroud of night during a winter festival, remembers the happiness of being alive and belonging to Reiner. In another place, at another time, Bertholdt wishes he could forget. Here he stands, a little wooden warrior all alone in a pile of splinters searching for his little wooden friend.</p><p>Somewhat spoilers for the manga</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bertholdt could never say that he enjoyed parties or any social gathering, really. Even as a child, it was Berik or Reiner who'd pull him along to some village festivals. The only real enjoyment Bertholdt derived from it was watching Reiner run around with a dopey smile. _So cute_. Bertholdt always thought. Similarly, Bertholdt always enjoyed the winter. He liked the cold air against his skin and how for once, he wouldn't be sweating bullets just from standing out in the sun. He liked being bundled up in thick clothing; it felt like a barrier between himself and the world. Reiner, on the other hand, loved the summer. He loved bathing himself in the sun and heat. He liked movement, especially when his whole upper torso was unrestricted by clothes. Bertholdt wasn't quite sure if he enjoyed the sight of Reiner shirtless and glistening in the sun. It gave him the extra task of fighting off the intense blush that threatened to consume his entire body.

Introvert, extrovert. Winter, Summer. Yet, by all contradictions of nature, it was Reiner he loved most and it always would be even if the Reiner he fell in love with was slipping away.

There was no way that Bertholdt could ever be angry at Reiner. He was just feeling a bit flustered today, seeing Reiner cozying himself up with everyone else _except_ him. Bertholdt wasn't some clingy jealous girlfriend, despite Annie calling him one in a completely monotone and detached voice, so he wouldn't tell Reiner. He'd keep it all inside him because he was a good friend.

He couldn't really blame Reiner. After all, the Winter of Beginnings festival only happened once a year and it was rare that the instructors would allow them the day off to celebrate. From one end of the city to the other, the civilians had decorated the street with lanterns, ribbons, and makeshift stalls to sell all sorts of handmade trinkets. At the very center plaza were the drinks and food; this was where Reiner and the rest of the trainees had occupied. Bertholdt, on the other hand, remained on the streets, browsing through the wares.

Though everything was quite interesting, ranging from handmade jewelry to animal pelts bags, there was nothing that Bertholdt truly felt interested in buying. That was until he passed a woodwork stall. Almost instantly, he noticed the intricate Military Soldier figurines sitting at the front of the table.

"You like them?" The shopkeeper asked, polishing a bowl in the back, "The kids love them, been selling like hotcakes. They're hand-painted, hand-crafted, everything custom made by yours truly," The shopkeeper was clearly proud of his work. He had the right to; these were amazing crafts. At close examination, Bertholdt could see the straps of 3DM gear on all the soldiers along with their emblems neatly etched on their jacket with all the correct colours. Each had a different face and hairstyle, as if they were miniatures of actual living soldiers.  

His eyes fell upon a tall one with dark hair. The shirt was unfortunately a gaudy red but with a bit of paint, Bertholdt could fix that, "I'll take that one," He said with a wide smile. He was almost ready to leave after he paid for his doll only to catch sight of another one, a bulky looking blonde in a green shirt.

"Are you looking for one of your girlfriend?" The shopkeeper chuckled, stroking his long mustache, "They're a big hit with couples in the military,"

Bertholdt immediately started blushing, "I'm just getting one for my friend," Even the shopkeeper could tell that he was lying. That was how poorly Bertholdt hid his emotions about Reiner.

After trying to search for an Annie lookalike and failing due to her unique hairstyle, he bid the shopkeeper farewell, clutching the satchel of dolls to his chest. They still shared communal dorms which meant he'd have to be extra careful when hiding these so no one accidentally broke them. With nothing left to distract himself with, Bertholdt gave in and walked towards the central plaza. He wasn't particularly good at trying to blend in with the crowd and join in on conversations but he was getting better. Practice makes perfect, after all.

The feeling of someone watching him stopped Bertholdt's in his tracks. He was clearly being tailed most likely by Reiner but it didn't hurt to be cautious. He tucked the satchel into his military jacket, eyes searching all around him. The split second he turned away from the corner he was about to turn, a hand came forward and pinched him hard on the rear.

"AH!" Bertholdt screamed in an almost womanly pitch before swinging around and punching the lights out of whoever was behind him.

"OW!" Reiner cried as Bertholdt punched him across the face. He was already a little tipsy, the additional punch to his face sent him spiralling to the ground, "I pinch you and you punch me in the face!?"

After taking deep breaths to calm himself down, Bertholdt smoothed out his pants and helped Reiner up, "Why would you even do that?"

"I can't help it. You're so tall which means your butt is just so easy to reach," Reiner said in a matter-of-fact tone as if that was the most logical reason in the world.

All of the cynicism, embarrassment, and discomfort Bertholdt had right now instantly dissolved under Reiner's beaming smile. He'd forgive him, _just this once_ , Bertholdt lied to himself. He sighed heavily, taking the satchel into his hands, "Let's head to the Central Plaza. I bet Eren's looking for you,"

"Why do you want to go there?" Reiner asked.

He wanted to go because Reiner wanted to go. Bertholdt couldn't say it though, "I want to hang out with the others," He was met with a raised brow and sceptical pout, "What?" The slightest of blush appeared on Bertholdt's face. Damn him and his sexy expressions.

Reiner said nothing, smiling again before throwing an arm over Bertholdt's shoulder, "I've had my share of them. Let's go back to the dorm," He poked a finger to Bertholdt's chest, "I haven't seen you all night and I need my nightly Bertl dose,"

As Reiner chatted on about the festival on their way back, Bertholdt only then realized how little Reiner smelled of alcohol. He knew Reiner loved to drink with his buddies, cajoling everyone to drink and starting a party so crazy that even Instructor Shadish would be afraid. Bertholdt, on the other hand, hated alcohol. He could take a little bit if his friends asked him to but he hated the flavour and even more so, he hated the smell.

He could tell Reiner had been drinking. There was just the slightest flush on his cheeks as he talked. But he could also tell that Reiner hadn't drank _much_ , just enough for a little bit of fun with the others but not enough for his body to stink with the stench of alcohol. That wasn't like Reiner who had once passed out from drinking and had to be hauled back by Jean and Marco, just like it hadn't been Reiner's style to ditch the festivities to retire early.

He was doing this for Bertholdt's sake. The moment they entered the dormitory, empty as they expected, Bertholdt showed his appreciation by kissing Reiner deeply. Even the taste of alcohol was off his tongue, covered with what appeared to be heavily spiced meat he must've picked up from a stall.

Reiner smiled, licking the taste of Bertholdt off his lips, "I missed you too,"

The two spared no time, throwing off their jackets and boots, tossing Bertholdt's satchel up onto the bunk beds, climbing up the beds and right on top of each other. Reiner stayed on top, enclosing Bertholdt in his arms and legs, protecting him from all sides as he kissed him fervently. He knew Bertholdt liked to feel protected, sheltered, and in this position covered from all sides, Bertholdt had never been happier.

The room was echoing with almost obscene sounds as they kissed, nipped, suckled on each other's lips. This has always been the most they've ever done, too afraid to go any farther in case someone walked in and caught them. But now, with everyone at the festival, Bertholdt knew they'd never get a better chance. He unbuckled Reiner's belt, tossing it to the side as he started rolling up Reiner's shirt.

Reiner got the message pretty quick, grinding down his hips onto Bertholdt's till a steaming heat built in their loins. Reiner kept his pleasure in check, suppressing his moans into a grunt. Bertholdt couldn't hold it in, almost _singing_ his moans as Reiner continued to grind their hips together. _Damn Fabric_ , It was getting in the way and Bertholdt didn't like it. He unbuttoned his own pants, nearly shimmying it off his hips before the sound of trainees trampling in filled the room. The lights were out and they were still. There was no way they could have noticed what they were doing.

"This is going to be hilarious when he gets to bed," Jean said, placing a lantern onto the center table.

"Hey Marco, pass me that bucket of snow," That was Connie's voice.

Slowly, careful not to alert the others of their presence, Reiner and Bertholdt unwound themselves from each other embrace, crawling back to their respective beds without making any sudden movements...

"Oh!" Marco shouted, "I didn't know you two were here!" Busted. Bertholdt didn't even have the time to pull up his pants.

Instead, it was up to Reiner to jump in front of him to save his dignity, "Bertholdt wasn't feeling too good. I thought I spend some time with him here."

"That's nice. Do you want me to bring you back some food?" Marco, kind, generous, nosy Marco, asked.  

"No, it's fine," Reiner replied.

"Oh right, you ate a bunch of that smoked ham before you left," Marco said, "Anyway, have fun then,"

"And don't tell Eren about the snow we put on his bed," Jean replied, waving as he headed to the door with Connie following after with a smirk.

Reiner and Bertholdt sighed, just starting to cool down from their steamy encounter, "Safe," Bertholdt sighed, falling backwards on his bed. He reached down, pulling his pants up again and refastening the button.

"Hey, hey," Reiner said, grabbing Bertholdt by the hip and pulling him over, "I wasn't finished with you yet,"

"Sorry Reiner," Bertholdt replied, patting on his shoulders, "The moment kind of died for me..."

Reiner chuckled softly, clearly disappointed but accepting of his decision, "Hey, that's no problem," He sat back on his side, looking to the side where Bertholdt's satchel remained. He reached for it, opening it up and nearly ecstatic when he looked inside, "What's this?" Reiner asked with a laugh, lifting up the two wooden dolls.

Bertholdt smiled back, hugging his knees loosely as he watched Reiner examine the dolls, "This merchant was selling them. I thought they were cute," He took the Reiner doll into his hands, "I'll have to hide them though. If the instructors knew I had toys on me, they'd freak out."

"Where do you plan on hiding them?" Reiner asked, scratching at the red shirt the Bertholdt doll wore.

"I don't know, maybe in my pillowcase?"

"Oh I like that. 'Bertholdt' and 'Reiner' sleeping in bed every day, all day," Reiner said suggestively, pressing a kiss to the Bertholdt doll and fully enjoying Bertholdt's blushing face.

Bertholdt had to turn away, covering up his face as he laughed softly, "You're unbelievable sometimes. Are you still drunk?" With his face turned, Reiner reached forward and took the doll from Bertholdt's hands, "Huh?"

"Oh no, save me Reiner!" Reiner said in a high pitched voice as he waved the Bertholdt doll up in the air before settling it down onto the bedpost.

Bertholdt chuckled just a bit, "Hey, I don't sound like that," He whispered to himself, continuing to watch the improvised puppet show.

"I'm coming my princess!" Reiner declared as he waved his own doll in the air, making it climb up the bedpost like it were a mountain. When he was close to the top, Reiner toppled over Bertholdt's doll, catching it shortly in the same hand that held his own doll. Reiner picked up both dolls in one hand, making it look like his own was carrying Bertholdt's, "You're safe now, my lovely Bertholdt," Reiner said in a deep, heroic voice, "Marry me, Reiner! And let me bear your children!" Reiner said in a high pitched voice.

Bertholdt was laughing so hard, he had a hard time covering up his blooming red face with his hands. It was finally too much for him when he saw Reiner pressing the dolls together as if they were kissing. He rushed forward and pulled them out of his hands, "Stop that already!" Bertholdt shouted through the laughter. It had been a while since he had laughed so hard that tears were forming in his eyes.

Reiner smiled back at him, taking in that rare sight of Bertholdt's laughter, "You're right. I prefer the real thing way more," Bertholdt didn't even have time to react as Reiner rushed forward on his knees, pulled his body flush against his own, and kissed him passionately. He pressed forward till Bertholdt back hit the wall and he had nowhere to escape from Reiner's grasp, once again protected from all sides.

Bertholdt groaned against his mouth as Reiner ground his hips forward. Even in the haze of lust, Bertholdt gasped out, "I'm not a princess,"

Reiner said nothing, merely staring up with this maddeningly seductive smile. It made Bertholdt angry that, even with his height advantage, Reiner could still make him feel small and vulnerable with just a smile. _Stop smiling at me like that!_ Instead of voicing his thoughts, Bertholdt melted, moaning without restraint as Reiner nibbled on his neck and slipped his hands under his clothing. He broke contact with Bertholdt's torso for just a moment to lift his sweater above his head, grinding his hips harder against him just to make up for the lack of contact.

It was almost a crime how good it felt to have his bare chest rub against Reiner's cotton shirt, plastic buttons scraping his skin pleasantly. Overwhelmed by Reiner's _everything_ , Bertholdt reached forward and tore the shirt off Reiner's chest, buttons flying everywhere. For just a moment, Bertholdt realized what he had done and pulled back instantly, "I'm so sorry Reiner! I didn't mean to!"

Reiner merely stared dumbly at him, utterly surprised before a fit of laughter overtook him. He picked Bertholdt up and away from the wall, kissing at his chest when he could no longer reach his face, and dropped him down onto his back on the bed. By the time he climbed over Bertholdt's hips, the taller man's hands were already at his pants, working off the button and zipper. Smiling, Reiner shrugged off the remains of his shirt and grabbed Bertholdt's wrists, clicking his tongue, "Naughty, naughty," Reiner murmured as he tied Bertholdt's wrists together with his shirt.

"What...hey! Don't do that," Bertholdt tried to protest. He couldn't deny that there was some thrill of being helpless against Reiner's hands. Nonetheless, he didn't quite trust Reiner when he had that sneaky smile on his face.

Reiner smiled, straddling Bertholdt's hips and tracing a hand down his finely muscled chest, "You know, you're so lanky and tall that I sometimes forget that you're actually quite well muscled from all our training," Reiner noticed when Bertholdt's body stiffened at the touch of his belly.

"I'll never get as big as you, you're the size of a bear!" Bertholdt mumbled, unable to think of some witty retort as Reiner continued to trace circles around his belly with feather-lightness, "What are you doing?" He said, voice wavering as Reiner added just a bit more pressure, "Don't do that. I don't like it," Bertholdt said, suddenly struggling as Reiner continued.

With his hands gripping onto his shoulders, Reiner leaned in and kissed Bertholdt, nearly crushing him into the bed from the kiss. When they finally pulled away, Reiner's hands had already returned themselves to his stomach, "I bet you're regretting that you let me tie up your wrists now, huh?"

Without warning, Reiner pressed his fingers into Bertholdt's toned stomach and watched as the man writhed in laughter, legs trying to kick but trapped under Reiner's weight, "Stop!" He shouted between laughs as Reiner continued to brutally tickle him.

When Reiner finally finished, making Bertholdt squeal once more by blowing a raspberry to his stomach, he moved his way up and began suckling on Bertholdt's chest. Bertholdt, breathless and trembling from Reiner's touches, moaned softly and lifted his hands, exposing his chest to Reiner's touch. Now that he was breathless, Bertholdt could barely hold his moans in, barely even _think_ about holding it in. Just from playing with his nipples, suckling, nipping, pinching, Bertholdt nearly screamed his moans. He flinched as Reiner threw off his pants, taking his half-hard cock into his hands.

"Don't!" Bertholdt cried out before biting down on his wrist as Reiner lapped at the head of his cock. His hips bucked forward, trying to dive deeper into that moist heat, " _Reiner_ , _Reiner,_ " Bertholdt moaned over and over again as he tossed back and forth on the bed, overwhelmed by the feeling of Reiner sucking him off, "Can't hold it in," He gasped out, turning to his side and biting on his pillow. Reiner lifted his head for just a moment, smirking as he grabbed the pillow and threw it aside, "No!" Bertholdt cried out, trembling as he reached out for the pillow only to collapse to the bed as Reiner sucked on his cock again, bringing him deeper and deeper into his mouth.

Lifting away for a moment, Reiner blew a puff of air against the head, "I want to hear your voice,"

With Reiner working absolute miracles on Bertholdt's body, Bertholdt was utterly surprised when he felt a cool, slick finger slipping into his body contrasting his steaming skin and Reiner's fiery touches. His hips jolted upwards, thighs nearly wrapping around Reiner's head as the finger pressed deeper inside him, searching him. He could do nothing about it, wrists bound and legs limp under Reiner's touch. He just lay there and took it all, letting Reiner engrave his body with heat and ecstasy.

Reiner lifted his mouth from his cock, making up for the pleasure by adding a second slicked finger into Bertholdt. Bertholdt immediately protested but stopped as he watched Reiner unzip himself with his free hand and begin stroking himself to hardness.

"Like what you see?" Reiner asked as he continued to stroke himself. Bertholdt's eyes were locked onto that hand, moving up and down in quick rapid jerks. When Reiner deemed Bertholdt sufficiently slicked, he removed his fingers and began slicking himself up with oil from a tiny bottle in his pocket.

Bertholdt groaned at the sight. He wanted to say something about Reiner bringing a bottle of lubricant with him or Reiner being so sure that they'd have sex right now. Every sound that came from his lips was strained with pleasure and almost incoherent. Even without contact, just the sight of Reiner slicking himself to hardness was enough to make Bertholdt wither with lust.

"Are you a virgin, Bertl?" Reiner asked offhandedly between heavy breaths, hand continuing to jerk himself off. Bertholdt nodded back, not trusting his voice to answer. A tired smile stretched on Reiner's face when he heard his answer, he took Berthold's knees in either hand and spread them apart gently, sitting right between them before leaning down, covering Bertholdt's body with his own. He placed his arms on either side of Bertholdt's body, shielding him from everything in the world. After all, Bertholdt is his and he wouldn't let anyone take him away, "So am I," Reiner replied gently, pressing his lips to Bertholdt's neck and sucking till the flesh was an almost angry shade of red.

As Reiner continued to mark Bertholdt's neck and chest as his property, he ground against Bertholdt's hips to make up for the sudden drop of pleasure. Bertholdt couldn't stand it anymore. He finally tore through the shirt binding his wrists and wrapped his arms around Reiner's shoulders, "Do it, _please_ ," He moaned, grinding back against Reiner making the man groan, back arching at the touch.

" _Okay_ ," Reiner breathed as he lined up his cock to Bertholdt's slick entrance. In one smooth movement, Reiner slid himself halfway in, throwing his head back as he was enveloped by Bertholdt's soft, tantalizing heat, "My god, _Bertl_ ," He couldn't stop himself from moving at a faster and faster pace.

Bertholdt cried out for another reason, clinging to Reiner desperately. It felt like he was being burned from the inside, innards turning to ash as Reiner moved deeper and deeper into him. Yelps came from him as Reiner continued to move, lost in his own pleasure and disregarding Bertholdt's pain. He didn't want to stop yet he couldn't keep going, "Reiner, Reiner! Please gentle, please!" Bertholdt cried in-between thrusts.

Obediently, Reiner slowed down, taking Bertholdt's cock into one hand and stroking it gently, "Sorry," He sighed out, pressing his forehead into Bertholdt's  shoulder, "I'll make it good for you too. I promise," Setting himself to a slower pace, Reiner thrust in and out gently matching the hand stroking Bertholdt to the rhythm of his thrusts. Only when Bertholdt's breathing evened out and his moans became just a tad higher pitch did Reiner gradually speed up.

When Reiner had thought he had set himself at a good, fair pace, just by lifting Bertholdt's knee up and changing the angle _just right_ , Bertholdt's eyes sprung open and he moaned so loudly that his voice bounced all throughout the dorm room. He nearly came from the sudden wave of unbearable pleasure that flooded his body. His toes curled, his thighs wrapped around Reiner unconsciously.

"Right there," Bertholdt moaned, back arching off the bed, "Right there! Right there!"

Again and again, Reiner pressed himself right up against him _just right_ leaving Bertholdt helpless in pleasure. In a passing thought, Reiner wondered what other hotspots Bertholdt had and how much could he exploit them before Bertholdt would come. But for tonight, when both of them were already hot, pleasured, and happy, Reiner settled to torturing this single hotspot to make Bertholdt writhe.

His pace quickened. Bertholdt's breathing came out in whines. Reiner found himself thrusting so hard into that single spot that the entire wood of the bed was creaking. With just a single touch to Bertholdt's already dripping cock, Bertholdt came screaming Reiner's name and gripping into his shoulders with his nails. Reiner came shortly after, finishing himself off with a few quick jerks of his hips. He could hear Bertholdt's surprised gasp as he felt Reiner coming inside him, filling him up.

Still and covered in a fine layer of sweat, Reiner remained on top of Bertholdt for just a moment, arms still surrounding him like a cage. He stared into Bertholdt's eyes, devouring the affection and lust present in them. When his exhaustion took over, Reiner collapsed over Bertholdt making sure that the majority of his weight was placed against the bed and not on his lover. Bertholdt didn't mind, wrapping his arms around Reiner's torso and kissing the top of his head.

While Bertholdt was slowly dozing off, Reiner instead distracted himself by nipping away at the red marks he had left all over Bertholdt's neck. Bertholdt shivered at the sensation, watching Reiner with one eye, "Everyone's going to see those tomorrow,"

"Let them," Reiner replied, continuing to suckle on his skin, "I want them to know that you belong to me,"

" _I belong to you_ ," Bertholdt repeated. No words have ever made him this happy before, "I belong to you, I belong to you, _I belong to you_ ," He continued to say, mumbling it into Reiner's hair as Reiner continued to leave his marks on him. He could feel Reiner's lips curling to a smile as they massaged his neck.

 

_I belong to you_

 

Introvert, extrovert. Winter, Summer. Warrior, Soldier. Yet, by all contradictions of nature, it was Reiner he loved most and it always would be even if the Reiner he fell in love with was slipping away.

There was no way that Bertholdt could ever be angry at Reiner. He was just feeling a bit flustered today, seeing Reiner cozying himself up with everyone else _except_ him. Bertholdt wasn't some clingy jealous girlfriend, despite Jean  calling him one in a comedic tone, so he wouldn't tell Reiner. He'd keep it all inside him because he was a good friend.

He couldn't really blame Reiner. After all, the Winter of Beginnings festival only happened once a year and it was rare that the Captains would allow them the day off to celebrate. From one end of the city to the other, the civilians had decorated the street with lanterns, ribbons, and makeshift stalls to sell all sorts of handmade trinkets. At the very center plaza were the drinks and food; this was where Reiner and the rest of the soldiers had occupied. Bertholdt, on the other hand, remained on the streets, browsing through the wares.

When he finally found the woodwork stall, he was disappointed to see a younger man at the helm. He informed him that his father, the original woodworker, had passed away and now he had taken over. Unlike his father who specialized in tiny crafts, this man was all about furniture and decor. Unable to find what he wanted, Bertholdt bid the man farewell and walked off.

He still remembered the day he had woken up to find his 'Reiner' figure broken clean in half. He first woke to splinters pressing up against his face through the pillow fabric. His doll was perfectly fine without even a single scratch. Reiner's doll, on the other hand, was split clean in two. No matter how hard he tried to glue the pieces together with the supplies on base, the wood just would not stick. Bertholdt liked to lie to himself, telling himself that he had accidentally slept on the doll and broke it in half. He knew the truth. He knew that it was the dorm-wide pillow fight, the one where Reiner took his pillow from right under his head and chucked it at Connie, striking the wall instead when Connie ducked away.

He'd like to think that it wasn't Reiner who destroyed something so important to him.

Bertholdt didn't want to go to the plaza. He didn't want to see Reiner lost in a daze of drunkenness, lost in the crowds of soldiers, lost in Krista's eyes. He didn't want to see Reiner _lost_. Yet, even with his mind focused on going back to the dorms, the moment he caught sight of Reiner walking down the street on his own, Bertholdt immediately gravitated over to him.

Bertholdt wasn't sure what came over him. For reasons beyond him, the moment he closed into Reiner from behind, his hand automatically shot up and pinched Reiner on the butt. It made him smile for just a moment before Reiner made a undignified sound and turned.

"Bertl!" Reiner exclaimed, "What was that for? I thought you were one of the girls,"

Bertholdt chuckled lightly, immediately backing off, "Just wanted to surprise you,"

Reiner dropped his confused look and chuckled instead, trying not to ruin the good mood of the festival. He patted Bertholdt's shoulder as he talked, "Hey, no problem. Anyway, I was just about to head to the Central Plaza. Want to come with?"

"Sure," Bertholdt said with a smile. He had the tendency of sweating whenever he had to act in complete contradiction to his true feelings. Even in this icy cold weather, he was dripping with sweat.

"Atta boy Bertl," Reiner said, draping an arm over his shoulder and walking him to Central Plaza, "You'll like it. Everyone's there and having fun,"

Bertholdt could only smile on as Reiner prattled on about Eren, Jean, and everyone else. Quite frankly, this did not sound appealing to him in the slightest. But he went along anyway, nodding along as Reiner talked to everyone. He even held a cup of beer in his hands, sipping it only when the queasiness in his stomach passed. He didn't understand how everyone else could chug it like water. The only one who stayed light on the drinks was Armin and even then, it was mostly because they needed one responsible member to watch over them.

"Clearly, I'm the hottest," Jean declared, reclining on his chair while skillfully balancing his weight on only the two back legs, "I'm not too tall like Bertholdt. Not too big like Reiner. Got two toned hair. And, I kick  ass on the field,"

Eren was the first to scoff, practically spitting out his drink in the process, "As if. You got the face of a horse!"

"And ladies love muscle," Reiner replied with a big grin.

"Oh please, then who's the hottest one out of all of us?" Jean asked, folding his arms, "And don't say yourself!"

Eren patted on the back of Armin's seat, "Armin. Clearly! Every girl loves talking to him,"

"HA!" Jean exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the table, "I'm telling Mikasa that you're definitely gay for Armin! Then, she'll be all mine!"

Eren scoffed again, backing up from his seat as he laughed. Armin laughed as well, almost embarrassed by Jean's broken logic, "I don't really think your chances with Mikasa will change regardless of what you tell her,"  

As Jean bickered with Eren, Connie turned to Bertholdt, "Let me guess. You're totally going to say Reiner," Bertholdt's blushing immediately confirmed Connie's statement, "Ha! Knew it! Personally, I think Reiner kind of look like a bear."

Reiner heard him. His attention instantly snapped towards Connie, "The ladies like that," Reiner replied. He almost sounded offended by the comment.

"No they don't. That's crazy talk!" Connie replied, "Right, Bertholdt?"

Bertholdt wasn't exactly sure why Connie kept referring to him. He honestly didn't have any opinion on the matter. Although, there was something Bertholdt could agree with, "... A bit like a bear," He gave Reiner a sheepish smile before chuckling to himself.

"Ha, see? Bertholdt agrees!" Connie said, reclining in his chair.

Bertholdt had hoped Reiner would drop the comment and let his best friend slink back into silence. There was no such luck this time as Bertholdt noticed that Reiner hadn't stopped staring at him. His eyes looked like they were plotting something, "Reiner?" Bertholdt said, immediately alerting everyone to Reiner's scheming expression.

Reiner was on him in an instant, standing from his seat and pinning Bertholdt down onto his chair with his body, "Hey, hey, you're siding with Connie over me?" Reiner said with the cheesiest of smiles, "Not letting you get away that easily!" In any other situation, Bertholdt would've enjoyed having Reiner towering over him, wrapping him up in his embrace. Right now, in public, with everyone watching and laughing, Bertholdt couldn't have felt worst about himself.

He fully expected it when Reiner tickled him, fingers gently scraping away at his stomach and sides making him scream with laughter, "Stop! Hey!" Bertholdt cried out, laughing so hard that his cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling, "You're not a bear! I take it back! I take it back!" Reiner wouldn't relent, planning to get his complete fill of revenge against him.

When Reiner finally stopped, pulling Bertholdt's shirt back down and returning to his seat, Bertholdt was completely breathless and undone. It brought back the memory of a more intimate time, a better time not like this with everyone staring at him and laughing along. Even though he knew they meant no malice, he couldn't help but translate their laughter into laughing directed _at_ him.

"Learned your lesson, Bertl?" Reiner asked, patting him on the back as he took a sip of beer.

Bertholdt nodded weakly, trying to force a smile up, "Got it,"

"Wow, I've never seen Bertholdt laugh like that before," Sasha said. Bertholdt turned around in his seat, noticing that all the girls were behind him. Reiner _embarrassed_ him in front of _everyone_.

Krista laughed a bit, nudging Ymir's arm, "Bertholdt's so cute when he smiles that much. Don't you think so, Ymir?"

Ymir snorted, smirking at Bertholdt, "I sure think he is," She said, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable this was making him.

"I have to admit," Mikasa said, nearly invisible behind Sasha, "He does look different when he's laughing,"

An uproar came from the crowd of boys. Everyone immediately directed their attention to Bertholdt who only tried harder and harder to disappear.

"So if we asked you who was the hottest out of all of us..." Jean said, eyes narrowing as he watched the girls.

"Bertholdt!" Krista replied, a slight blush on her face.

"Same," Ymir said, smirking evilly.

"I'm going to have to say Bertholdt too," Sasha replied, snatching a piece of meat off from the table to eat.

"Sure," Mikasa replied.

The boys were in an uproar again, shouting out "aww's" of disagreement. Connie slapped the table, grabbing Bertholdt's attention, "Tell us your secret, man. We're your bros. You can trust us!"

"I demand a recount," Jean said, "Someone get every single girl in the Military here!"

"Guys, I think you're making him uncomfortable..." Armin said, trying to pull them back. Being drunk certainly didn't help then notice Bertholdt's obvious awkwardness.

Eren shook his head, "I bet it's his height. It's definitely the height. Yep. They love the height,"

Bertholdt jumped when he felt Reiner slap him on the back, "Remind me to bring you with me when we're hanging out with the girls," Reiner said as he wiggled his eyebrows. In another context, in another time, Bertholdt would've found this adorable. Right now, all he felt was unease.

Luckily, the spotlight on him faded as quickly as it came. The boys eventually dove back into aimless conversation while Bertholdt watched on from afar. This was for the best. As much as he did care about them, he never enjoyed getting involved in social gatherings. He hoped to stay out of the conversation for the rest of the night, pretending to be tired or drunk and heading back to the dorm for an early rest.

Someone said one thing and then one thing led to another until finally Jean asked, "So, any of you not virgins anymore?"

"This again?" Armin commented, "Come on Jean, none of us has even been able to start a real relationship."

"Doesn't matter," Jean replied, smiling devilishly, "I know people were getting around. I heard things at night. Spill it!" His eyes landed immediately on Bertholdt, "Come on, Mister Lady Killer, tell us the truth!"

"Uh,"

Before Bertholdt could even stutter out an answer, Reiner interrupted, "I think I of all people would know if Bertl punched his V-card," He ruffled Bertholdt's hair playfully, "I can vouch that he's been single all this time, right Bertl?" Bertholdt was silent, eerily silent, "I should probably take advantage of this while I still can. How about you try asking Ymir out? Then we can go on a double date with Krista!" They all laughed. Everyone had a crush on Krista but Reiner was the only one bold enough to say it out loud.

Yet, even with the innocence behind Reiner's words and the harm that he did not mean, Bertholdt had never been so offended in his life. He hated Reiner's words and how he had forgotten all about his affection for him, forgotten that Bertholdt had lost his virginity to him. He _despised_ how Reiner spoke of things that Bertholdt cherished most as if they were mundane.

He was just so furious that he wasted all his energy just trying to keep it from showing on his face. Instead, it slipped out in his voice, "I lost my virginity," Bertholdt almost hissed into Reiner's face. Everyone was immediately silent, frightened by Bertholdt's sudden burst of rage, "Don't speak for me if you know absolutely nothing about me!"

Reiner was clearly stunned, not expecting his temper or his answer, "Bertholdt..."

Shaking off his rage, Bertholdt stood from his chair and shut his eyes, "I'm sorry. I need to go," He didn't bother with an excuse as he left, leaving all of them stunned and confused at the sudden outburst.

He had nowhere else to go so he returned to his dorm room. Now that he had finally graduated, he no longer had to share one giant communal dorm with every single trainee in the army. Instead, he was assigned a two-person dorm room giving him the privacy he loved. The first time they were assigned rooms, Bertholdt couldn't have been happier to have Reiner as his partner. Now, he wasn't so sure. He didn't like the feeling of sharing a room with a stranger.

Stripping down and changing into his lighter sleepwear, Bertholdt sat upon his bed and curled up, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly. He knew this wouldn't change anything, that shouting at Reiner wouldn't reawaken his old memories no matter how hard he tried. If anything, he probably just ended up drawing more attention on himself.

Absently, he reached under his pillow and pulled out a bundle of fur. Even though only Reiner's doll had been broken, Bertholdt didn't feel like it was right to wrap up one and not the other. Lazily, he unraveled the cloth, letting both dolls fall onto his bed. Berthold sighed as he picked up the upper half of the Reiner doll. The face had splintered even more and the glue he had tried to use was peeling off the paint. Unable to look at it anymore, he tossed the pieces into the trash can by his door. It was just himself now, standing alone.

"I belong to you," _I wish you belonged to me._ Bertholdt whispered to himself as he picked up his own doll and ran his thumb over the paint. He didn't understand why his doll was still intact when Reiner's had been shattered to pieces. The first time he noticed, Bertholdt joked with himself that the Reiner doll had protected his from getting hurt.

That was just enough to make him smile, briefly, before placing the doll onto his desk and hugging his knees tighter. He didn't bother looking up when Reiner stepped in with a lantern in hand, placing it on his own desk before walking over to Bertholdt.

"Hey," Reiner whispered, climbing onto the bed. When Bertholdt didn't lift his head from his knees, Reiner gently placed his hands on his shoulders, "Bertl, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forced you to go. I wasn't thinking," No response, "And I'm sorry for assuming that I knew everything about you. Congratulations Bertholdt, you got a girlfriend before I did, or a boyfriend. I don't mind,"

Bertholdt shook his head, not bothering to look up, "I don't."

"Did you break up with them?" Reiner asked, rubbing circles on Bertholdt's back to comfort him.

Bertholdt shook his head, "I never dated anyone," The feel of Reiner's hands on him, his face so close that he could feel his breath, the softness of his voice, it was too much. Bertholdt let out a small sob before he realized that he was crying. All he could do was press his face further into his knees and compact himself tighter and tighter.

There was a quiet fury building in the room that Bertholdt hadn't noticed till Reiner's grip on his shoulder began to shake, "Who was it?" Reiner muttered. He sounded puzzlingly angry, "Did they hurt you? Are you hurt?"

Bertholdt had no idea what Reiner was talking about. It was only when Bertholdt started piecing together the story he didn't tell, coupled with tears that Reiner would never understand, did Bertholdt come to a conclusion, "Ah."

"Tell me who it is. I'll kill them for laying a finger on you!" Reiner shouted. He placed a hand on Bertholdt's cheek, coaxing his head up so he could see Bertholdt's tear stained face. With the back of his hand, he wiped away all his tears, whispering to him as he leaned his forehead against Bertholdt's, "You're safe now. I promise,"

Maybe it was the little bit of alcohol he had when he was with his friends. Or maybe it was having Reiner in his bed staring at him like he was the only person in the world that mattered. Whatever the case, something pushed Bertholdt forward. He had to do this now or else he'd never be able to live with himself, consequences be damned. He reached forward, grabbing Reiner by the collar and pulled him close, crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss that tasted of alcohol and tears.

Reiner struggled momentarily, pulling away for just a moment and gasping, "Bertholdt what-" He never got to finish as Bertholdt tackled him down onto the bed and kissed him again. His heart broke when Reiner fought back, trying to grab onto Bertholdt and shove him away. Bertholdt knew he had destroyed his relationship already; that's why instead of letting Reiner fight him off, he grabbed his wrists and pinned him down, continuing to kiss him with feverish passion.

With the slight haze of drunkenness and Bertholdt's insistence, Reiner had a hard time trying to get away. Struggling under his grip, he turned away from Bertholdt, breaking off the kiss, "Bertholdt, that's enough!" He barked, trying to buck him off his body to no avail. The moment Bertholdt let go of his wrist to turn Reiner's chin back towards him, Reiner punched him right in the face, dazing him just enough to throw him onto the floor.

Reiner wasn't gentle with his attack. Immediately Bertholdt could feel his skin breaking just from the impact of that punch and when he was thrown to the ground, his head met the corner of a drawer with a sickening crack. He couldn't blame him. With Reiner losing his memory. how did Bertholdt expect him to react? Crumpled, face down on the ground, Bertholdt could see Reiner's feet as he swung them over the edge of the bed and sat there.

Reiner didn't want to say that he was disgusted even as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and cleaned it off on Bertholdt's pillow. This was his best friend and he deserved better. And even though he didn't understand it, there was just a tiny spark inside of him that flickered when Bertholdt's lips met his. He wasn't in love with his best friend. Reiner thought he would have realized this by now having spent all his time with Bertholdt.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Reiner asked, staring at Bertholdt.

The moment Bertholdt turned upwards to look at him, Reiner felt a mixture of agony, regret, sadness, guilt, and heartbreak all at once, making his usually fierce composure crumble. With trails of tears pouring from his eyes, nose snivelling heavily, and cheeks dyed a crimson red, Bertholdt was a mess.

It was over. Reiner would hate him. Never again could he stand by Reiner's side. Never again could he dream of Reiner at his prime without feeling crippling guilt. He'd have to change rooms but who'd want to share a room with him? He was already awkward around others and if Reiner told everyone what he did, everyone would treat him like a pervert.

"Reiner," Bertholdt whispered, crawling over to where he sat, "I'm sorry," He didn't look up as he spoke, "It's just that if I held it in any longer, I would have gone mad," He knew it was a risk but that didn't stop Bertholdt from reaching up and resting his hands on Reiner's knees, sobbing against them weakly, "I've wanted you for so long. _And I had you, for just a while_. But now you've slipped away from me," Bertholdt knew Reiner wouldn't understand. He wasn't even sure if Reiner could hear him over the sobs, "I'm all alone," His hands slipped off Reiner, falling to his side as he sat there on the ground pitiful and weak.

Bertholdt didn't fight when Reiner hooked his arms under his armpits and dragged him onto the bed, laying him down as he wiped away his tears with this thumb. He tried to keep his eyes averted but when he noticed Reiner leaning towards him, he couldn't help but lock onto Reiner's eyes, "Rein-" Reiner pressed a kiss to his lips, gently holding his shoulders to keep Bertholdt in place. When Reiner pulled away, Bertholdt could not look away from him anymore. He could see a struggle in Reiner's eyes, could see the soldier and warrior fighting inside him.

When Bertholdt realized Reiner wouldn't move, he gently pushed Reiner's onto his back and climbed on top of him, still staring into the struggle hidden in the depths of his eyes. He traced Reiner's face gently, fingertips pressing up against his lips just slightly before sliding down to his neck. Reiner looked utterly confused yet also wanting. Berthold told himself that this was to reawaken Reiner and that Reiner would be happier if he remembered. He knew the truth though: This was for himself. This was to finally rid himself of his loneliness if only for a moment.

"Can I?" Bertholdt asked as he picked up the hem of Reiner's shirt. When Reiner nodded, Bertholdt removed the shirt and threw it over to Reiner's bed. He stripped himself down completely, dropping his clothes to the floor before straddling Reiner's still clothed hips.

Bertholdt had never taken the initiative before. The few times they had sex, it was Reiner who was on top leading him just like he always did. He tried copying things Reiner did, leaning down to press kisses all over Reiner's chest. The quiet moans and sighs coming from Reiner encouraged him to keeping going, With his hands, he unbuckled Reiner's belt and pulled his pants down. Pulling his underwear down just enough to expose his flaccid penis, Bertholdt took it into his hands and began stroking it.

Reiner groaned at the touch, hands grasping onto Bertholdt's shoulders as he continued stroking him. Bertholdt still remembered everything Reiner loved whenever they were trying to sneak hand jobs in the communal dorm. With his thumb, he'd massage the spot just under the head while his other hand made quick long strokes all along the length. It drove Reiner mad, making him shudder with lust. Regardless of whether or not this was the soldier or the warrior, Reiner was completely undone by his ministrations, groaning in pleasure as his hips bucked into Bertholdt's hands.

Bertholdt patted down Reiner's pockets, half-expecting him to have a bottle of oil on him to use for lubricant. He hadn't prepared anything either which meant he'd have to make do with what he had. He spat a measly amount of spit into his hand and reached backwards, pressing one finger inside of him. It was nowhere near enough lubricant but he had to do this. This was his last chance to wake Reiner up; his last chance to be truly happy. He moaned at the feeling of his own fingers stretching himself, less from pleasure and more from pain.

"You're hurting yourself," Reiner muttered, reaching to stop the hand that was jerking him off, "Bertl, stop,"

Bertholdt shook his head, leaning down right over Reiner's cock, silencing the man with a lustful glance, "It's alright. Don't worry about me," Bertholdt whispered before opening his mouth and taking Reiner's cock deep into his mouth. Reiner's throaty, unrestrained moans were almost enough for Bertholdt to distract himself from the dull ache that came from trying to stretch himself. The spit had been only enough to get two fingers in. Stretching himself became a painful chore and he knew it'd only get worst if he tried to take Reiner inside him.

As Bertholdt worked his body, Reiner weaved his fingers into his hair and bucked into his mouth. It was wrong. He shouldn't be having sex with his best friend out of pity. Yet, something about this was so familiar. Reiner began to wonder if he had done this before. Maybe when they were young, stupid, and horny, they had sex and never talked about it again. No, that wasn't it. Above the primal pleasure, Reiner could feel a warm softness sitting in his chest like a sleeping memory.

_That should be good enough_. Bertholdt pulled his fingers out, feeling enough natural lubricant to at least get Reiner inside him. He pulled his mouth off of Reiner's cock, a string of saliva still connected the thoroughly worked head to the tip of his tongue. He glanced up at Reiner who stared at him with a heartbreaking expression of confusion. Bertholdt smiled back weakly as he climbed over Reiner, lining up his cock with his ass. He pressed himself in slowly, fighting the urge to scream at the rough intrusion. It was nowhere near as smooth as Reiner would make it back then. This hurt, _a lot_.

Bertholdt felt light headed by the time Reiner was all the way in. Taking it slowly, he rocked himself up and down over his cock, concentrating on the moans slipping from Reiner's mouth, "Is this alright?" Bertholdt asked, struggling to keep his composure, "Is this alright? Does this feel good? Can I make it better?" He couldn't stop himself from babbling out nonsense as the aching burn became more intense.

Bertholdt would have stopped if it wasn't for Reiner's gasping moan, " _Oh god yes. More,"_

Ignoring the pain, Bertholdt rocked his hips faster, gasping out when he felt Reiner bucking inside him. He held onto Reiner's shoulders to steady himself as Reiner took him by the hips and pressed him downward at each thrust. Bertholdt cried out from the small fizzle of pleasure hidden under the growing ache. With Reiner now setting the pace, Bertholdt wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on. He wanted to ask him to go slower so he could endure the pain in smaller doses but he was afraid, not of Reiner leaving but of Reiner ignoring him.

" _Bertholdt_..." Reiner gasped out, calling his attention to the man beneath him, "It's so good. _So hot_ ," Bertholdt could only return a weak, sad little smile, "Is it good for you too?"

Through the pain, the sadness, the self-hate, and the pity, Bertholdt said, "Yes."

Absently, Bertholdt took Reiner's hand and ran it over his stomach, pressing gently over the hard skin. He remembered their very first time and how much he enjoyed it when Reiner's hands were all over his torso. Now, he was reduced to touching himself with Reiner's hand like a puppet's. Curiously, Reiner watched Bertholdt as he continued to trace his torso using Reiner's hand. That familiar feel was welcoming, _enjoyable_ even. Eventually, Reiner was moving the hand on his own, tracing all the lines on Bertholdt's body. His second hand came up, feeling the other side while Bertholdt watched him happily. Those feather light touches searching his body for his most sensitive spots, that was the most pleasure Bertholdt felt the entire night. Even amidst the sex and alcohol, Reiner could clearly concentrate on Bertholdt's lovely body, mapping every reaction Bertholdt had to his touch in his head.

Judging from Reiner's sudden erratic pace and his quicker breathing, Bertholdt figured Reiner would come soon. A part of him was glad that the unbearable ache of taking Reiner without nearly enough preparation was about to end. Another part of him wished this could last forever. He could endure the pain and sadness if it meant that he could be connected with Reiner forever. He knew the moment he pulled away, feeling used and dirty, Reiner would disappear from his life. At the thought, he couldn't stop his tears from dripping down his face. He quickened the pace to Reiner's liking, listening to his escalating cries of pleasure.

Catching Bertholdt completely off guard, Reiner suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him over, pressing Bertholdt's back to the bed as he climbed over him. Bertholdt cried out as Reiner thrust back into him, boxing him under his body with his arms as he thrust forward, "What-what are you...ah!" Bertholdt cried out in pleasure for the first time as Reiner lifted one of his knees and pressed into him, finding his hotspot once more. He hook his arms around Reiner's back, screaming out in pleasure and pain as Reiner's pace quickened. With his body enclosed and no longer exposed to the air, for once, Bertholdt felt safe tonight, felt like he wasn't going to lose his mind in a fit of sadness.

"Bertholdt!" Reiner cried out, gripping so hard into Bertholdt's hips that he was bound to be bruised the next morning. He didn't even bother pulling out, coming inside of Bertholdt. His breathing evened out as he basked in the afterglow, shutting his eyes and shuddering in pleasure.

Bertholdt could say nothing, laying there quietly as Reiner lifted himself off of him and sat on the side of the bed. Bertholdt wanted to get out of here, wanted to leave this place forever and never stop running. The horrible pain in his backside kept him rooted to the bed. He could barely close his legs without an intense pain exploding from inside him. All he could do was lay in bed exhausted and throbbing as Reiner dressed himself and left the room. Bertholdt was right. As soon as Reiner was done, he'd be gone from his life forever.

Yet, without words and an empty face on him as he left, Bertholdt wondered if anything had changed. He _begged_ for it before shutting his eyes and forcing himself to sleep.

Bertholdt dreaded waking up the next day but when he did, he was greeted with the sight of Reiner fully dressed in his uniform folding his bed, "Morning," He greeted, "I told the captain that you weren't feeling well so you could sleep in,"

"Thanks," Bertholdt mumbled sitting up and noticing that he was fully dressed in new sleepwear.

"I dressed you while you slept," Reiner explained, not looking at him as he continued to make his bed, "You'll want to take it easy today," The pain in Bertholdt's backside told him the same thing.

Bertholdt nodded, rolling onto his side ready to doze off again until he noticed something sitting on his desk. Right beside his own doll was Reiner's doll all fixed up. Curiously, he took the doll into his hands and examined it. Unlike the glue he used which would never stick, this one cemented both halves of the doll together firmly.

"Oh right, I saw that in the trash when I was cleaning the room," Reiner said, sitting on his bed cross from Bertholdt, "Since they were so precious to you, I got some wood glue from the supply closet and fixed it up,"

Bertholdt couldn't have been more touched by his actions, "They're not that important to me," Bertholdt said, placing them back on the desk, "They're just stuff I picked up at a festival several years ago,"

Reiner chuckled, "I saw you keeping them in your pillow and playing with them when no one was watching,"

"I do not!" Bertholdt replied, surprised that Reiner actually caught him playing with the dolls. He always tried to be discreet when he played with them. It'd be too embarrassing if someone saw him playing a make-believe dance with the two dolls.

After a brief chuckle between them, Reiner knew that if he did not bring up last night, their friendship would be over. He looked Bertholdt in the eye. Both of them knew what needed to be said, "I was hurting you," Reiner said, "Why didn't you tell me that I was hurting you?"

Bertholdt shrugged weakly, "I wanted you to enjoy it," Bertholdt had done a horrible thing to Reiner. He took advantage of his pity, coercing him into have sex out of guilt and confusion. He had no right to ask for anything from Reiner, especially his companionship. He still had to try though, "Are we still friends?"

"Always," Reiner replied, staring at him.

Reiner's eyes were staring straight through him as if reading all of Bertholdt in just a gaze. Bertholdt couldn't tear away, trembling just a bit as Reiner just kept _staring_ , searching for an answer that words could not give. He didn't know how Reiner felt, he could've been disgusted, curious, confused. Whatever it was, he knew if he tore away first, everything would be over between them. Luckily, Reiner pulled away shortly after having his fill of Bertholdt.

As Reiner headed to the door, Bertholdt shouted one last thing to him, "I won't tell anyone. I promise," Reiner looked back just briefly, giving him a small nod before exiting leaving Bertholdt alone once more.

By all means, Bertholdt should have been feeling miserable. He had just forced his best friend into having sex with him out of pity and guilty. Instead, Bertholdt felt like something heavy in the air was lifted. He felt like just in this moment, he had turned back the clock. Absently, he reached for the Reiner doll, thumbing at the bit of wood glue that had leaked out from the crevice. He didn't even know there was wood glue in the supply closet. He had asked everyone, and by that he means he asked Armin, but neither of them knew where to find it.

It made him smile knowing that if he had just asked Reiner from the start, he would've fixed it up for him right away. He was about to reach over the bed to fetch the fur he wrapped the dolls in until his thumb slid over a strange pattern at the base of the doll. He scratched at it first, wondering if it was just a bit of hardened glue at the base. At closer inspection, he realized it was an engraving. Bertholdt flipped it over and read: _Prince._

He had to stare at it for nearly a minute until that word finally sunk in. Immediately, he reached for his own, flipping it over to read the word freshly engraved on the base: _Princess_.

Why couldn't Bertholdt see it before?

_I was hurting you._

_Why didn't you tell me that I was hurting you?_

Of all the pressing questions he could have asked, Bertholdt didn't understand why he said that first. Only now did he realize that Reiner wasn't talking about last night. Bertholdt dropped the dolls to his bed and ran out of his room, ignoring the dull ache that was still present inside him. He might've been imagining it, Bertholdt couldn't be sure. He didn't know why Reiner said nothing to him upfront, leaving behind those dolls to talk for him. Maybe he was scared, scared that Bertholdt grew to hate him after leaving him all alone for so many years. All along, Bertholdt thought he was the one hurting Reiner by holding him back. Reiner must've have thought he was the one hurting Bertholdt by leaving him behind.

"Reiner!" He cried out as he ran done the hall.

Reiner, standing by the Captain's office, turned to him with a puzzled look, "Hey, you shouldn't be running around if you're sore," He caught Bertholdt as the man dashed right at him and threw his arms tightly around his body. embracing him with all his strength, "Forgive me, please forgive me,"

Bertholdt nodded frantically, accidentally bumping his forehead hard against Reiner's. He needed to say something, anything that could cement their relationship again. He opened his mouth, stuttering as he spoke.

Reiner pressed a finger to his lips. Right from the start, he knew exactly what he needed to say, "I belong to you too,"

Bertholdt laughed. Laughed so hard that his voice echoed through the halls for what seemed like hours. All those years of bottling up his emotions, trying to endure without Reiner by his side, all that wretchedness Bertholdt suffered through finally paid off. His Reiner was finally back. Bertholdt could finally free himself from his misery.

_"I'll always belong to you,"_

 


	2. Alternate Ending

"I belong to you," _I wish you belonged to me._ Bertholdt whispered to himself as he picked up his own doll and ran his thumb over the paint. He didn't understand why his doll was still intact when Reiner's had been shattered to pieces. The first time he noticed, Bertholdt joked with himself that the Reiner doll had protected his from getting hurt.

That was just enough to make him smile, briefly, before placing the doll onto his desk and hugging his knees tighter. He waited, hoping that Reiner would come in, take him into his arms, and reassure him that everything would be alright. He pushed his hopes away shortly after, laying on his side and tucking his head under his arms. Reiner had his own life now and he couldn't be expected to indulge Bertholdt's every whim.

With nothing else to do, he slept dreamlessly. In the very dead of night, he was woken by the sound of footsteps outside his door. He could just make out Armin's voice telling him to sleep on his side in case he throws up. Bertholdt, in his half-slumbering state, could not understand what that meant till Reiner nearly burst through the door carrying an intense smell of alcohol.

Bertholdt kept his eyes shut tightly, listening to Reiner as he chuckled lazily and dropped onto his bed, just sitting there. Bertholdt was just about to go back to sleep until he heard Reiner stand up again, his footsteps clearly moving towards Bertholdt's bed. Unable to feign sleep any longer, Bertholdt wanted to turn from the wall and help Reiner back to his bed. Instead, his eyes merely snapped open as Reiner flopped onto the bed beside him, nearly crushing Bertholdt into the wall from the space he took up.

"Hey Bertl," He mumbled drunkenly, turning onto his side and inadvertently spooning his taller friend, "You missed out on all the fun," He spoke into his hair. Bertholdt cringed unconsciously, the pungent aroma of alcohol was suffocating him, "I feel kind of sick actually. Remember when we were little, whenever one of us felt sick, we'd sleep in each other's beds and it'd make it all feel better?" Reiner chuckled again, pressing his face further into Bertholdt's hair.

Bertholdt didn't respond even though he clearly remember it. Reiner was always sickly when he was young contrasting the healthy hulk of a man he became today. Instead of running to his parents or a doctor, he'd always go to Bertholdt's house when he was unwell, sneaking in through the windows and plopping himself onto the bed. Sometimes he'd be wet with rain when he dropped in, startling Bertholdt when icy cold rain water splashed onto his warm bed. No matter the situation, once Reiner was inside his room, he'd curl up in Bertholdt's embrace and fall asleep with his face pressed right into Bertholdt's chest. Back then, Bertholdt thought it'd always be this was with him being Reiner's backbone. Nowadays, he could almost laugh at the cruel irony of their relationship.

Bertholdt tried feigning sleep again. When Reiner refused to move, still spooning him awkwardly and inadvertently pushing Bertholdt to the wall, Bertholdt assumed he must've been sleeping and shut his eyes. He was startled by a hand suddenly resting itself upon his bare hip where his shirt had slid up.

"I was just as surprised as the others, you know," Reiner mumbled lazily into Bertholdt's hair, "Didn't know you weren't a virgin anymore. Everyone else is still a virgin, even me," It took everything for Bertholdt not to cover his ears and kick Reiner off the bed after hearing those words, "Never knew you were such a stud. Was your first time good?"

_Of course it was good. It was amazing. It was with you._

Bertholdt wished he'd just stop talking. _Just shut up before you make it worst_. He gripped at the sheets in front of him, nails digging into his palm out of sheer rage. He jumped just a little when he felt Reiner's hand lifting up his shirt to expose his torso.

"You want to know something funny, Bertl? When you said that you weren't a virgin, I got so _jealous_ ," The way Reiner hissed that last word made Bertholdt's skin crawl, "Jealous that someone got their hands on you. It's not like I'm gay or anything. It's just that I want you all to myself." His hand brushed over Bertholdt's nipple, making him flinch and blush at the touch.

This was too much. Bertholdt was terrified. This wasn't the warrior or the soldier speaking to him. It was the product of the soldier and warrior fighting for control amplified by the alcohol. Bertholdt jerked away from Reiner, hoping to have enough room to twist around and kick Reiner off the bed. Instead, Reiner followed him forward, pushing him face first into the wall.

Bertholdt cried out as Reiner held him firm against the wall before nearly tossing him onto his back on the bed. Bertholdt immediately tried to scramble away only to be pinned by Reiner's arms on either side of him, "Reiner, get a hold of yourself!" Bertholdt could say no more as Reiner pressed his lips down on his.

Reiner laid himself facedown between Bertholdt's legs, crushing him to the bed with his weight. He forced his tongue into Bertholdt's mouth, searching the cavern of his mouth ravenously. All Bertholdt could taste was the sour alcohol and salty tears that threatened to pour out of him. He could not taste _Reiner_ at all. In the darkness with nothing but the smell and taste of alcohol all throughout the room, this man pinning Bertholdt down could have been anyone.

With newfound strength born from his panic, Bertholdt tore his mouth away and let out a strangled cry, shoving at Reiner's chest with his hands, "Get off! Get off! Get off!" Bertholdt cried out, letting out another small cry when Reiner merely grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the side and kissed him again, silencing him. In a panic, Bertholdt kicked his legs wildly, accidentally knocking over the lamp on his desk. The glass shattered all over the ground, causing just enough noise to stir their neighbours.

"Reiner, are you alright?" It was Armin, the only one sober enough to actually check on them.

Bertholdt wouldn't shout for him. No matter how scared he was or how much pain he would be in, he'd never shout if it meant that Reiner would suffer from it somehow. He assumed Reiner would know this, thought it'd be second nature for Reiner to trust Bertholdt with his life. What hurt most that night was Reiner reaching forward to press a hand over Bertholdt's mouth. It accomplished nothing. If Bertholdt really screamed, even muffled, Armin would be able to hear it. The mere gesture was just to show Bertholdt that Reiner did not trust him.

"Reiner?" Armin's voice came again.

Weakly, Bertholdt reached both hands up to grip onto Reiner's wrist, pleading with his eyes to let go and just _trust him._ Reiner didn't let go, not even bothering to look at him for more than a short moment before turning back to the door. Bertholdt could only assume that Reiner had lost his trust in him when he thought Bertholdt had been in a secret relationship.

When they heard Armin's footsteps return to his room, Reiner's eyes fell back upon Bertholdt's. He released his hand from his mouth, watching Bertholdt's lip as it trembled weakly, "Reiner, you're not yourself..."

He silenced Bertholdt as he leaned in close, staring at him with eyes Bertholdt could not comprehend. He looked like a defeated warrior coming home after a decade of war, "I want you so bad, Bertl. I don't know why but I _need_ you. I need you to belong to me and only me," His words were both affectionate and barbed, not unlike the warrior that loved him and the soldier that despised his confused feelings for him.

If Bertholdt really had the heart to, he could have fought Reiner back. He might not have been as big but he knew how to fight. Yet, realizing that this might be the last chance he'd ever have to hold Reiner in his arms, Bertholdt had to take it as much as it hurt.

Reiner lazily lifted Bertholdt's shirt over his head and onto the floor. His own shirt followed after, exposing his heated skin to the cold air. As he lay back down on Bertholdt, crushing his body into the bed, Bertholdt could feel the intense heat radiating off Reiner especially in his groin. He whimpered just a bit as Reiner ground his hips against his, forcing an unwanted pleasure onto his body. A low throaty moan came from Reiner as he rocked his hips against Bertholdt's again and again, grinding till a burning heat built between them.

Bertholdt covered his mouth with the back of his wrist, trying to muffle the moans as he felt heat beginning to pool in his groin. He didn't like how primal this felt, rutting against each other without any sort of plan or foreplay. _His_ Reiner would never do this. He knew that Bertholdt enjoyed starting with tender kisses and moving up slowly. Looking back now, remembering how Reiner had pressed him to the wall during their first time to reinitiate, it became obvious to Bertholdt that Reiner always wanted to take it fast and that he had only held back for Bertholdt's sake. It was another cruel memory for Bertholdt to lock away in his mind.

"I don't like this..." Bertholdt muttered weakly between soft moans, staring at Reiner who propped himself on top of Bertholdt and continued to grind their hips together. Acting completely contrary to his words, Reiner instead ground down upon him even harder, making Bertholdt yelp at the increased pressure and heat. To keep him still, Reiner held him firmly on the shoulder with one hand and held his thigh up with the other. To silence him, Reiner crushed his lips into Bertholdt's once again, tangling Bertholdt's reluctant tongue with his own.

Bertholdt groaned twisting away from Reiner when he ground against his hips even harder. He struggled a bit, trying to alleviate the pressure over his crotch that turned from heat into pleasure into agony, "It hurts!" He gasped out, shoving at Reiner's chest, "Get off me!" He nearly growled as Reiner refused to back off and pushed himself harder upon Bertholdt' body.

A new panic rose in Bertholdt as he felt Reiner loosen the cord around his pants. With one hand, Reiner had pulled Bertholdt's pants down to the middle of his thighs. Bertholdt immediately abandoned his attempt to push Reiner away, absolutely stunned as Reiner's hand traced his thighs, moving down them slowly till he was pressing a fingertip against Bertholdt's entrance. Bertholdt jerked away in response before he could even press his fingers inside him. Bertholdt rolled onto his stomach, trying to scramble away on his hands and feet before a strong arm looped around his stomach and pulled him back.

"No!" Bertholdt cried, scrambling in place as Reiner held him down, eventually grabbing one of his arms and pinning it behind his back painful, "Reiner!" He cried out as he tried to struggle again causing a pain to flare right up his arm and across his shoulders. He groaned, head dropping to the bed in defeat. He breathed heavily, nearly hyperventilating as he felt Reiner's lips on his back, kissing at the nape of his neck as his other hand slid across his buttocks, pinching them just a bit before sliding into his crack. Bertholdt struggled furiously again, ignoring the pain erupting from the arm twisted behind his back.

A single dry finger was shoved deep inside him; the pain was sharp at the intrusion and dulled into a stinging throb as Reiner moved it around inside him, stretching him out hastily. The sharp pain was renewed when a second finger was pressed inside him, doubling the throb that followed after. Bertholdt bit into his pillow, doing his best not to shout for Armin who he knew must've still been awake watching over his friends.

A gasp escaped his lips as Reiner turned him around. His fingers remained inside him, creating a sharp pain when his body was literally gyrated around them. Reiner still held a firm grip on the arm twisted behind Bertholdt' back, reaching around him in a mock hug to hold him in place. Reiner wasted no time pressing a kiss to Bertholdt lips, laying him onto his back on the bed as he continued fingering him open. Without the pillow, Bertholdt could only count on using Reiner's mouth as a way to muffle his cries.

His body trembled weakly after Reiner's thorough exercise with his fingers. The few licks of pleasure he felt were quickly drowned away by the dull pain. His whole body flinched as Reiner removed his fingers. Reiner also released his arm, gently placing it to his side before gripping onto Bertholdt's hip. The reprieve meant nothing to Bertholdt since he knew exactly what would shortly follow. Unable to fight anymore, weakened by shame and pain, Bertholdt reached forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Reiner, gritting his teeth as Reiner speared him open on his cock.

The intense sensation of Reiner stretching him open coupled with the sharp heat was absolutely agonizing. He cried out despite how hard he tried not to. Without seemingly any care for Bertholdt, Reiner kept a quick, savage pace. His moans, low and throaty, were fueled by ecstasy brought upon him by Bertholdt's tight body.

At the very brink of his endurance, Bertholdt shut his eyes tightly as he felt tears beginning to form in his eyes. He couldn't cry, not after tolerating everything up to this point. A sob slipped out of him when Reiner suddenly changed his angle, surprising him with a new sensation.

At the sound of the sob, Reiner's head lifted, "Bertholdt?" Reiner whispered out, continuing to thrust into him. His voice was groggy, as if he had just awoken from a horrible nightmare.

"Yes?" Bertholdt forced himself to respond, still gripping onto Reiner as he tried to weather through the pain. He was sweating all over like summer had come upon them again, leaving him in a soppy, unpleasant state.

With his head tucked under Bertholdt's chin, Bertholdt almost missed it as Reiner spoke four little words that suddenly made his agony disappear, "I belong to you,"

For a moment, just a tiny moment, Bertholdt was suddenly back in the communal dorm, back in their bunk beds, embraced with Reiner and so happy that he could've died that moment. All of his sadness came crumbling down the moment _his_ Reiner returned, speaking those sacred words to him. He clung back, ignoring the pain as he pressed his hips down in unison with Reiner's thrust, doing anything he could to make it better for Reiner. He didn't even care if he didn't come at the end. He didn't care if he'd end up so sore tomorrow that he wouldn't be able to do a lick of work. All he needed right now was his Reiner.

With a primal cry, Reiner came inside him, filing him with heat and lust. The moment he did, Reiner pulled out gently and collapsed on top of Bertholdt. For a moment, Bertholdt thought Reiner had passed out without noticing that he was still hard and aching. He jumped when he felt Reiner's fingers creep between his legs and over his erection.

"You haven't come yet," Reiner whispered with a tiny smile, stroking Bertholdt fervently using his sweat to slick the movements, "You're so beautiful Bertholdt," He whispered into Bertholdt's ear, nearly cooing into it. He quickened his pace when Bertholdt's voice began to rise. Just a single stroke over the head made him come all over Reiner's hands.

Basking in the afterglow and in the embrace of his Reiner, despite the hell he had to suffer just to get to this point, Bertholdt hadn't been this happy in a very long time. He wept when Reiner's lips ghosted over his ears, whispering into them, "I missed you," Bertholdt bawled into the sheets, crying even harder as Reiner embraced him and stroked circles on his back.

 

It had been a very long time since Bertholdt had morning that he looked forward to. Every morning had become a drab routine for him: Waking up, doing his job, watching Reiner disappear with his friends. Something had changed now. Finally, Bertholdt could break this stale cycle.

He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the morning light. He was naked in bed, sheets somewhat sticky with sweat which meant he hadn't dreamt up the night before. Bertholdt smiled to himself, almost giggling into his pillow out of sheer happiness. He almost dozed back off, no doubt earning a scolding from his superiors if they caught him, but something _odd_ struck him before he shut his eyes.

"Reiner," Bertholdt whispered, noticing that the man was nowhere on his bed. He rolled over on his bed, startled when he saw Reiner fully dressed sitting on his bed across from him _staring_ at Bertholdt with a troubled look on his face. Something was wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong, "Are you okay?" Bertholdt asked with a small smile, bringing the sheet up over his body, "Is there something wrong?"

Reiner said nothing. He just kept staring. Eventually, Bertholdt tore his gaze away. He was trying to piece together what had happened. He was sure that his Reiner had returned. He could still feel a bit of dampness on the sheet from where he had cried and if he really needed to, he could probably find flakes of sweat and come on the bed. However, the way Reiner stared at him now contradicted everything about the way his warrior was.

Troubled and almost mortified, Reiner continued to stare at him with his head rested in his hands, "Bertholdt," When he finally spoke, his voice was raspy and emotionless, "What did we do last night?"

Bertholdt couldn't say that the words broke his heart. His heart had already been shattered long, long ago. He swallowed, looking away from Reiner as he spoke, "I was under the impression that we were... " The pitiful look he gave to Reiner said everything he couldn't. Reiner groaned, hiding his face in his hands, "You were drunk. It's alright," Bertholdt stuttered out, trying to save his dignity.

"I'm so sorry Bertholdt. I didn't mean to force myself on you" Reiner said, looking up with sorrowful eyes, "Please forgive me," _Ah..._ Reiner thought he had forced himself onto Bertholdt last night because he couldn't even fathom that Bertholdt had feelings for him, "I'll never get that drunk ever again. I swear it."

There were millions and millions of things Bertholdt could've said to him, could've screamed to him. Would bursting into tears and pretending that Reiner had raped him be worth the few moments of comfort from him? Would screaming at him till he was terrified wake up his true self? If Bertholdt had just a bit more gall to him, he might've tried it.

Instead, all he said was, "It doesn't matter. I'm okay," Neutral, vague, leaves Reiner free of guilt from raping his best friend and leaves Reiner ignorant of Bertholdt's true feelings. The best thing he could do right now to preserve Reiner's happiness was to offer staying quiet. He knew Armin might've heard something off last night so he'd have to come up with some excuse for him.

"I know this is a lot to ask but, can you keep this a secret?" Reiner asked.

_You abandoned me. You broke my heart. You held me down against my will. You tricked me into thinking that you remembered me. You tore me apart from the inside. You made me forget about my mission. You made me hate myself. And you have the_ fucking _audacity to..._

"Alright, it's a secret," Bertholdt said, smiling.

Reiner returned his smile with a quiet, thankful look, "Thanks Bertholdt, you're the greatest," He stood from the bed, patting Bertholdt's shoulder before picking up the trash can.

When his eyes fell upon his doll sitting forgotten on the desk, Bertholdt gasped and stood up quick, reaching for Reiner, "Wait!" He flinched as he stood, immediately sitting back onto the bed from the spike of pain in his backside.

"What's wrong?" Reiner asked. He jostled the trash can as he turned, the sound of glass shards clattering together was heard. Drowned in sharp glass and twisted metal, the doll could never be recovered now.

"Nothing," Bertholdt said, "Sorry,"

Reiner gave him a quick nod before heading out, no doubt to throw out the trash and make up excuses about what had happened to their lamp. Bertholdt could hear chatter outside, Reiner starting up a morning conversation with his friends casually after ripping apart all of Bertholdt's hopes.

Bertholdt wished he could let go. He wished it was as easy as throwing out a broken wooden soldier. Even at the very pinnacle of misery, nearly raped by the man he loved and having all of his effort and suffering be for naught, Bertholdt couldn't let go. He could never free himself from Reiner no matter how wrong it had become. _I'll never be able to free myself from you_ , Bertholdt thought, reaching towards the door from where he sat, _After all..._

"I'll always belong to you,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was the original ending to this fic (With a few tweaks since the sex scene was meant to be far closer to the current ending). I personally thought this one matched the flow of the story more but given how all of my Reiner x Bertholdt head-canon seems to end tragically, I wanted this one to be more positive so I switched it out. I hope you enjoyed it!


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